"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing." ~ Dame Agatha Christie

Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Blessings of Being "One"

This month is a reflection month for me since experiencing Hurricane Katrina five years ago (I have other reflection months for other reasons--November for instance because of my birthday).  When I returned to Dallas on the waves of Katrina, I knew the city well--it is, after all, my native locale.  But, I was raw inside:  vulnerable, in need of emotional shelter, wanting comfort, wanting someone else to be the strong one, wanting to follow rather than lead...

I had tried various forms of communal living from 2002-2005.  I had tried living with my daughter's family (that turned into a multi-generational mess).  I had been a live-in nanny for a dear friend (TMI on way too many levels and a great way to lose a best friend).  I had a roommate to share expenses (a necessity for living decently in New Orleans without being rich).  When Katrina struck, friends and family really pitched in to get me to Dallas and help me get back on my feet.  The independent, stubborn, Scorpio side of me wanted to ensure I was employed and housed and fed without charity as soon as possible.  That was the easy part--I had an apartment by September, a job in October, and life moved on.  The emotional, needy Scorpio side of me ran into an old acquaintance who on the surface was everything I always knew he could be and I chose to give him another chance.  Thankfully, I lost only possessions, time, and the respect of others who knew I had made a poor choice of partner.  The scars which could so easily have been physical were only emotional, and they have taught me many lessons. 

That's all background.  The here and now is a Blessed Singleness.  I cherish my friends and even most of my acquaintances.  I cherish more my ability to live life alone--picking and choosing my companion of the day based on the event; knowing that many times my most loving companion is myself.  My circle of friends narrows as I age simply because I choose to have only positive thinkers surround me.  We need not agree on politics or religion or any other topic, but we need to respect one another and support each other in our goals in this second third of our lives.

It's Sunday morning.  I'm not finished rearranging my apartment.  There are dishes and laundry to do, meals to cook, bills to pay.  I could get overwhelmed with general living yet I sit here basking in the knowledge that

Man can starve from a lack of self-realization as much as... from a lack of bread.  ~Richard Wright, Native Son, 1940

I found this video this morning on 52-Card Pickup, a card challenge blog I follow faithfully for her wonderful challenges to be more self aware.   I want to instill enough self-discipline to start participating in her challenge, but for now, I need to just publicly thank her for her inspiration on a weekly basis.  Thank you, Sue.

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